A Full Time Mom’s World

Life is difficult. While the world around me was so busy living this thing they called life, I was struggling and helpless to live mine. Two weeks ago was the worst of time. It seems I was forgotten by God. I never felt so alone.  I was facing one of the most difficult trials of being a mom – the pain of seeing your kids in pain.

November was been a unlucky month for me for two years. Last year, Julian was confined in the hospital because of pneumonia. Now, it was Elah who got sick and was confined for 3 days due to amoebiasis. I should have not allowed them to eat those street foods (tempura and flavour of the road ice cream) after church that Sunday morning. The next thing I knew, Elah was complaining of stomach pain accompanied with very high fever. I have to rush her to the nearest hospital dawn of Nov. 19. It was so painful seeing her in pain. If I could only take the pain away… if I could only spare her from the needles, if I could only … (sigh) but I cannot do anything. I was helpless. I was crying. I was begging God for a miracle. It was so painful but thank God it was over.

Three days seems like three weeks when you are in the hospital. Elah gained her health after three days so we were allowed to go home. But as soon as I stepped in the doorway of our house, another struggle was waiting for me. This time it was Julian who got fever, cough, stomach pain and diarrhea. I was so tired and my back was aching so badly but I still managed to bring Julian to the doctor. Two times I rushed him to the hospital in the middle of the heavy rain.

Sigh. Life indeed is difficult. But I know God is there. He never left me. If He did, then I wouldn’t have survived in the struggle. And there is always sunshine and rainbow after the storm – our daddy is home!

We waited for it. We longed for it. I cried because it did not come right away. But NOW that it’s already here, we decided to choose LATER. We are supposed to move to UAE on the 13^th of Nov. Dad is supposed to be home by Nov 8.  Now all the plans were changed. “Sayang” I would say. I was imagining of a happy family in UAE. I was imagining of meeting daddy at the airport two weeks from now. I was imagining of exploring Dubai and Abu Dhabi. It will remain as an imagination for four months because we decided to move to UAE on April 2010.

It was a difficult decision for us. We come up with the plan of staying until March 2010 because of Elah and Julian. It was for them that we made these sacrifices. First, Elah missed the school opening last September in UAE. If we pushed through with the plan, she will not be able to go to school in UAE not until the next school opening (Sept 2010).  She is doing very well in school here (top 1 in the first grading).  Sayang pod.  Second, last October 10, Julian was diagnosed with primary complex (TB in children). I don’t know where he got it but one thing I could say, it was very painful for me to accept it. Treatment would last for 6 months – that means taking the medicines for 6 months. It would be best for him to stay in the Philippines while the treatment is going on so that the doctor could monitor his health.

We could have our plans in life but God always say the final yes. We dreamt, we planned, we wished of a family united in UAE but God said not yet. Maybe it was for the better. We just have to accept it. I know His plans are best for us. And I know He will be with us no matter what.

Even with this sad news, there still lies on the other side ONE GOOD NEWS - Daddy will be home this Christmas! Yehey!

Finally it came. Our house in Abu Dhabi is now ready for us. It came in God’s perfect time. It came as a gift. Today is our 6^th wedding anniversary. Around 12:30 in the afternoon (Philippine time), Jerry received the most awaited key for our house. It was the best anniversary gift ever.

Many times I’ve read the line- “In God’s time”. It never created an impact or rang a bell in my ears not until today. For almost two months, Jerry and I waited for the time when the house key will be handed to us. We prayed but there was no answer. It came to the point that we almost became tired of waiting. There was a long silence from our prayers and we almost give up hope.

But then God has a plan. He wanted to give it to us in a different way. He wanted to give it as a surprise. He wanted to give the best house for us - the perfect house for a family with two kids.  He gave the house as a gift for our wedding anniversary. He gave the best house with Filipinos around and located near the market, clinic and recreation area. A perfect house I would say.

God is so good to us and to all who are willing to wait for His perfect time. It was really worth the wait. Thank you God.

Elah’s teacher promised to distribute the KG1 Progress Report Card today . I was a little bit nervous. It was my first time to experience such feeling. What if she did not made it in the top 5? Elah was the first honor in her nursery class last year. I wanted her to maintain her rank in Kinder1. Though, how many times I told myself that Elah’s future does not lie or depend on her preschool grades, I still wished and pray that she could make it in the top 5 from among the 20 students in her KG1 class. You know, the feeling of longing, and hoping and wanting that she could make it.

I didn’t enter the classroom after the teacher handed me her report card. I know the list of top 5 students in class was posted on the board. I was afraid that Elah might not be included in the list. I will just be depressed. Since all the moms were inside, crowding the small room and talking about the news posted on the green board, I was forced to get inside.  I was surprised and happy to see Elah’s name on top of the list – Top 1 – Jubailah C. Abucay. She made it again! I was so proud while all the moms were asking who Jubailah was and the teacher would say, “si Elah gud”.

It seems all my back aches and body pains disappeared in the thin air. I felt all my sacrifices paid off. I kissed Elah and told her “congratz nak, mommy is so happy and proud of you”. I never thought she could make it in the first rank because all her classmates were also good and fast learner (mas magulang pod niya). As a gift, I told Elah she could choose whatever she likes in the mall and mommy will buy everything for her. I brought her to the school supplies section in the mall and she was so happy choosing the things she likes – pink scissors, pink glue, pink pencil case, pink notebook, all pink. I can’t wait to tell daddy and lola about the good news.

I looked at my skin/complexion while Elah was busy shopping. In my mind, I silently told myself, “Itom na kayo ko sige hatod ni elah sa skol at 1:30 in the afternoon… we have to walk from our house to the highway for about 5 minutes to get a ride. Just imagine, unsa ka init maglakaw carrying Elah and her heavy bag just to get her to school on time. Singot kaayo ko pag-abot sa highway.  I think I deserve this achievement.

We attended the 9:45am mass this morning at St. Michael’s Cathedral. As usual, we sat near the centre aisle because it’s much cooler and the kids will have a wider space to move around.  During the offertory, Julian swiftly followed the “men in white” doing the offering going to the altar. He quickly vanished out of my site so I rushed in front of the altar looking for him among the crowd. I found him holding the hand of one of the lay minister who is in charge of the offertory. I was laughing and proud how my little Julian, small as he is, was able to insert himself among the big crowd of people. I was amazed of how brave he was leaving me just to be a part of the offertory. He was very observant during the mass and he follows the movement of the priest and the people he saw around the church. He can also repeat some of the lines of the priest. I am so proud of my 2 year old - the future bishop of Iligan?! One thing I am afraid of, “makawat jud akong anak aning kalakiha”.

A friend once said, if you are feeling down and lonely, you just write down what you feel and after everything were put into writing, you will feel a little better. So here I am, doing a friend’s advice.

Jerry left yesterday for UAE leaving us behind for the third time (Apr 2008, Oct 2008 and now). We were together in Saudi Arabia but since he transfered to UAE, he had to leave us for a while since the company he was working has not yet preapred the house they promised for us. Third time is much painful than the first and the second time because of Elah. She is now old enough to understand and that made Jerry left with a heavy heart. He was supposed to leave early morning before the kids woke up but the plan was changed when Elah cried again while asleep last night. This is the second time she cried. She dreamt again that daddy left us for work. Jerry left around 9 o’clock in the morning. Before he left, he called Elah and Julian and told them daddy will go back to work na. My tears fall down my checks. I tried to hide it but I can’t help but cry in the scene that I saw. Though my kids were not affected by the said goodbye because they were very busy playing with other kids who I invited in the house yesterday to cheer us and make the house alive. The whole day, Julian never asked even a single question where dad is.  Elah never mentioned it either. They were busy playing. I was busy too entertaining our visitors.

But today, my loneliness fall down to the lowest. As I woke up in the morning, I saw the house too big for us and it was getting bigger when daddy left.  He was the one who made the house alive. The time moves too slow today. But when daddy was here, time was too fast. It seems every corner of the house where I looked, there is something missing. Our bedroom last night was loaded, 4 kids and 3 moms were added to make it alive but when everyone was sleeping it was empty. I missed our daddy. It seems everything is not functioning well when he is not around.  I tried to be okay just for my kids. I have to be strong. I know daddy will be home soon. Julian, saw me crying and he asked why. I just told him, my tooth ached. Then he kissed me to make it better.

This morning, a Friendster friend who is also Jerry’s colleague commented on one of my picture. He also informed us that the company just announced that houses are ready for those employees with two kids. That’s us! I hope and pray we are included in the list.

My friend was right. I feel a little better now after all my tears have fallen down while writing this short blog.

Jerry and I had a little argument a while ago. Maybe Julian notice that dad and mom were so quite and not talking and laughing like we usually did. All of a sudden, he stood up from the corner where he was playing the content of my shoulder bag, approached near me and said. “Magpuyo mo ha, mag-ampo sa Ginoo (Behave and pray to God).” Then squirt the baby oil on our head like what the priest this morning did to them. (The priest blesses all the children after the holy mass this morning by putting the some holy water on their head. I look at Jerry and we both smiled then we burst out into laughter. Julian really was an angel. He now knows how to brighten up the gloomy faces of his mom and dad. Hahaha.

Last night, Elah woke up crying. We asked her why and she said she dreamt daddy went back to work and we were left behind again. My heart broke. This was my concern last year and now I am facing it again. “Hirap ng OFW ang daddy.” I wish I could hold on the time.  I wish I could stop the clock from ticking. I pray that God will make a miracle for us. I pray that daddy will receive an email from the company this week with the news that our house in UAE is ready for us. I wish daddy could bring us to UAE with him this Aug 21. We still have one week to wait for the miracle. I pray God will grant our petition. If it will not be granted, maybe it’s God’s plan for us. All I could do is be the best mom to Elah and Julian while waiting for our daddy to pick us hopefully next month or this year.

I already have a list of things to do to keep my kids busy next week so they will not miss their daddy that much.  Sigh. All i could do is wish and pray.

I remember April last year after our Hong Kong trip, I told my mother- 2009 will see Singapore! I never thought it will come to reality.

Not like the Hong Kong trip that was unprepared, our SG trip was the opposite. It was very well planned three months ahead of time – had booked a hotel and contacted a relative who will meet us in the airport. Even in my most awaited vacation, which I thought I would surely enjoy and take a rest from busy days and worries of a mom, I was upset to know that I was still a full time mom. My works were still the same with some added tasks tag along with us. I thought having my husband with us would mean less work to do, I was totally wrong.

Jerry would always remind me that this is not the perfect time to travel and have our vacation because our kids are still very young, they will not enjoy it, and they will not remember it.  Aside from that, he always point out that I will not enjoy it either because I will be bringing along a lot of things, taking care of countless things, and my task will be endless. But I insist we still continue the said trip.

And yes, Jerry was right. We did have too much luggage to carry- the kid’s vitamins, medicine, toys, food, milk, and all the things my kids needed. I had too much to prepare. My daily tasks were still there – take care of the kids from the time they wake up in the morning till the time they rest at night. It was very tiring. Only one thing Jerry was wrong. I still enjoyed our vacation. In fact, I enjoyed it to the max. And looking forward to next year’s vacation– Malaysia! (”ayaw og kontra dad! hahaha)

On the first day of our trip to Singapore, we stayed overnight at Dynasty Hotel in Cagayan de Oro. It will be a stressful flight from Cagayan de Oro to Cebu to Singapore and so to make the trip child-friendly, we see to it that the kids will have enough and relaxing sleep so they could enjoy the one week vacation. We slept over night in Cagayan de Oro then the next night in Cebu before we proceed to our final destination – Singapore! We had so many funny experiences on our family vacation and here is the first one.

On the first night in Cagayan de Oro, we had our dinner at Max. For the first time, I allowed Elah to choose from the menu what she likes to eat for dinner. She pointed carbonara a la max- maybe because the picture looks so inviting and colourful. She was so excited to see and taste her order. Every time a waiter passes by near our table, she would excitedly stand up to check if it was her order. But once the plate was placed in front of her, she was surprised to see tiny green things on top of the pasta. Her face turned sour and asked, “Ngano naa man green crayons”? She was referring to the green leaves placed as toppings on the plate.  We were all laughing looking at her face.

Now I see the result of letting Elah sharpen her crayons (She loves to sharpen her crayons instead of her pencils).  And she only tasted a little of her order because according to her crayons should not to be eaten.